Many pet owners may view their pets as family members and feel that the matter should be viewed similarly to a child custody issue. State law, however, continues to view pets as property and will apply state property law. Rhode Island follows equitable distribution law in determining property division. This means that marital property is divided based on what the court finds to be fair and reasonable.
]]> In dividing property, the court may consider the length of the marriage, contributions of each spouse to marital property and each spouse's income among several other factors. The court presumes that both spouses have contributed equally to the acquisition of property during the marriage, whether such property is jointly or separately held, and therefore, should be divided equitably. The law of equitable distribution applies to property such as a home or furniture.If the couple is leaving it up to the court to determine who will get the pet, the judge will apply the same law it would apply in dividing up any other asset. A judge can easily award an animal to one party or the other, and they will not consider a shared custody or visitation agreement. For this reason, attorneys suggest that couples should settle the matter with a civil agreement, separate from the main divorce settlement.
Source: News4Tuscon, "Investigating pet custody post divorce," May 8 2012
]]>On May 15, 2012, a Judge in Dallas, Texas determined that Deion should pay child support of $10,000 a month while Pilar had been seeking $24,00 per month in total support. While the couple had come to an agreement regarding custody of the children, they were unable to agree on finances. Interestingly, like many Rhode Island couples, even the Sanders fought over relatively cheap small items that Deion alleged his wife stole, including toasters, picture frames and bowls. One might expect that with the reported size of Deion's $250 million estate and the amount of child support ordered, a toaster and bowls might seem insignificant. Apparently, the issue of the minor items was substantial, perhaps emotionally, to warrant argument supported by legal fees that far outweighed the value of the items in question.
Also like many separating couples, the Sanders wished to maintain privacy. They agreed that the rest of their dispute ending their marriage is going to arbitration behind closed doors. Rhode Island does not have divorce arbitration (where a third party or a panel listens to both sides and then renders a decision). However, a Rhode Island mediator can help parties reach an agreement with significant privacy.
"Judge: Deion must pay child support, not spousal support." By Rebecca Lopez, WFAA.com, May 15, 2012
]]>Traditionally, each party would hire a lawyer to engage in an adversarial process. Today, many psychologists, social workers, lawyers and judges believe that mediation is a better alternative to a contested court case.
Rhode Island Divorce mediators are available to work with you in that process. Look into the experience of a mediator you are considering. Ask about their training and how they update their training. Do not be fooled by mediators professing to be "certified" since Rhode Island has no certification process. Some "certified" divorce mediators received their certification from online university/college or other programs that send you a book and once you pay the fee, they let you take a test online; if you do not pass the test, it is okay, as they allow you to take it again and again with the book open until you pass and receive your "certification".
Having mediated hundreds of divorces since 1995 (and represented many individuals in Family Court during that time as well), I have learned that many people walk into my office unsure of the process and therefore unprepared for mediation.
The American Bar Association, Section of Dispute Resolution, has prepared a wonderful pamphlet entitled "Preparing for Family Mediation" to help individuals prepare for mediation, describing the process, how to select a mediator, working with a lawyer and the issues to be considered.
I suggest that anyone thinking about getting a divorce should review it. Other professionals such as CPA's, financial advisors and mental health professionals should review it as well so familiarize themselves with the mediation process so that they can discuss the same with their clients who may ask about what to do when their marriages do not seem to work any longer.
]]>Rhode Island allows both fault and no-fault divorce, but it does not allow same sex couples to divorce in the state. Specifically, Rhode Island does not honor same-sex marriage. However, the laws may soon be changing. A House committee in Rhode Island will soon consider several bills related to same-sex marriage and divorce.
]]> One bill would allow same-sex marriage in Rhode Island, recognize previously performed civil unions as marriages and recognize unions and marriages from other jurisdictions. The second bill will allow couples legally married in another jurisdiction to divorce in Rhode Island. The third bill would repeal last year's civil union's bill that allows certain organizations to use religion as an excuse to refuse service to couples who have a civil union.There is controversy within the state regarding whether Rhode Island should recognize same-sex unions performed in other states. Rhode Island's Attorney General is of the opinion that since Rhode Island does not explicitly prohibit same-sex marriage, the state should recognize same-sex unions performed in other states. Adoption of these amendments would clarify some of the unclear family law issues that remain in Rhode Island.
Source: thinkprogress.org, "Rhode Island To Consider Marriage Equality, Divorce Bills," Igor Volsky, May 2, 2012
]]>A recent survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML) disagreed with that broad viewpoint. Although not scientific, the AAML surveyed its 1600 members and found that 56% of the nation's top divorce lawyers said they saw an increase in the number of mothers paying child support during the past 3 years and 47% also noted in the same time period a rise in the number of women being required to pay alimony to their husbands.
There are a number of reasons for the conclusion of this unempirical survey. The Court system reflects the changes in our society. Although it may take time for some changes to occur, they do occur. As more women achieve success in careers and receive significant income, these women find themselves having the same obligations as a man would have if he had the same career paths. The RI Child Support Guidelines are based upon each parent's gross income. As the wife's income increases, her contribution to the expenses of the child increase. If the husband's career has taken second place to the wife's career so that the husband is more of a house-husband, the financial positions are reversed and the child support and alimony arguments would be reversed.
Another reason is that more cases are finding resolution in the mediation process, where interest based negotiation helps parties examine the underlying interest that are at stake. Parties disclose their income and asset structure and the interests that they wish to pursue. When a woman pursues a career and earns as much or more than her spouse, the same principles of child support and alimony apply to her as would apply to a man if the careers were reversed.
See "More Women Paying Child Support and Alimony", The Sacramento Bee, www.sacbee.com/2012/05/08/v-print/4474906/more-women-paying-child-support.html
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The congressman asserts that he thought they had an informal agreement under which he did not have to pay because since the divorce, his wife's income increased and his plummeted. He also allegedly told his ex-wife that he "had no money" to give her.
]]> The congressman's ex-wife, however, claims that despite his claimed poverty, the Congressman took a vacation to Mexico with his girlfriend and another to Italy, that he had enough money to lend his campaign $35,000 and that he lived a quite comfortable lifestyle. At the same time, she claims, his children were denied advantages that his payment of child support would have allowed.Neither side would disclose the terms of the support agreement, but since he took office a year and a half ago, $2,164 has been deducted from his monthly check to cover his current child support obligations.
The story of the court battle had proved to be an embarrassment. Most parents will not have to deal with the public humiliation of seeking child support modification as a public figure. Nevertheless, seeking to establish or modify a child support order in order to cover everyday expenses can be a stressful process. Mediation is an option for parents in a similar situation. The process has many benefits beyond keeping things private when crafting a support agreement. The mediator is a trained third party who stays neutral during negotiations, but facilitates a mutually acceptable agreement. The process is used to settle many issues in family law, including child support.
Mediation is often cheaper and faster than going to court and may have the added benefit of being less stressful for children when the parents are cooperating. Therefore, if you are battling the process of divorce, you may want to think about this option.
Source: Chicago Sun-Times, "Rep. Joe Walsh says child-support dispute with ex-wife is resolved," Abdon M. Pallasch, April 19, 2012
]]>Moty Cristal, an Israeli negotiator spoke about participating in tense negotiations between Israel and Hamas with terrorists taking siege in the Church of the Nativity. Clearly, this is negotiating in Low or No Trust situation, and was successful with trained mediators. He described that since the 9/11 World Trade Center attack, we have gone from "the Power of Language, to the Language of Power". We see that now in the divorce context when people would rather act than attempt to sit and resolve conflicting issues.
Unlike court proceedings, mediation's foundation is effective communication looking for the interests behind each position. The parties start from an emotional mindset, a place of reaction; mediators move parties to a place where they use their prefrontal cortex to make knowing decisions. Divorce mediation may start as a Low Trust negotiation, but can be shifted. Based on studies, this shift is unlikely to happen in the anxiety of a courtroom, court house or tense negotiations in a formal setting.
To foster effective communication, when a party only says he/she wants the child 50% of the time, the experienced mediator asks "Are you wanting 50% of parenting time because you feel it is your duty, or it's financially better for you or you believe your children need it or you believe that your spouse needs time off and you want to help him/her?" Taking time to explore and explain interests builds trust in the negotiations.
Do you need to trust the other party in order to negotiate? No, it is just an "issue" to be resolved. To mediate, parties need to have respect for the mediator and the mediation process. Trust in the neutral or the opponent can develop over time. Trust develops from an unbiased neutral or from the clarification of each person's concerns and desires; it also develops from a complete disclosure of finances. Trust develops when one moves from emotion, based upon previous experience, to making decisions based upon knowledge and understanding.
Here is an example of moving from emotion to knowledgeable decision making: A bat and a ball cost $1.10 in total. The bat costs a dollar more than the ball. How much does the ball cost? If you thought ten cents (like most people tested), you used the emotional part of your brain. You were wrong. The ball costs five cents. My goal is to slow the process so parties make knowledgeable decisions.
]]>The number of first children born to women cohabitating with a male increased from 12 percent in 2002 to 22 percent in 2006 to 2010. In addition, the percentage of cohabiting new fathers rose from 18 to 25 percent. These statistics come from the National Center for Health Statistics, which is based on data collected from 2006 to 2010.
]]> Sociologists credit the recession for this statistical increase. The recession was at its height from 2007 to 2009, which was in the middle of the data collection period. A scholar explains that "having kids is much more than about money. It's about love."What other factors have caused this recent increase? A sociologist claims that women with more education are starting to have children outside of marriage. They want to start families; however, they may not find themselves in a stable economic position to want to make the transition into marriage.
Furthermore, there are some racial or ethnic differences in the statistics. Among white women, 34 percent of first children were born outside of marriage, 20 percent of which were cohabiters. For Hispanics, 53 percent of first children were outside of a union; 30 percent of these women were cohabiting. Furthermore, approximately 80 percent of firstborn children of black women were outside of marriage. Also, 18 percent of these women were cohabiting.
Ultimately, the increase in firstborns to cohabiting women echoes the rise in first births to unmarried women. Of first births from 2006 to 2010, 46 percent were to unmarried mothers, compared with 38 percent in 2002.
There are a variety of factors that affect the number of children born to unmarried parents. It would be interesting to see the consequence of these numbers on child custody disputes and other family law matters. Has the increase of nontraditional families increased these types of cases, too?
In the end, a professor of sociology who has studied cohabiting couples with children says "I'm not sure it's just about cohabitation. It just could be that it's OK now to have a kid outside of marriage."
Source: USA Today, "More children born to unmarried parents," Sharon Jayson, April 12, 2012
]]>A study shows that approximately 18 million children have separated or divorced parents. In addition, 17 million children have parents that were never married. Twenty-five percent these children have a parent living in a different city. Because 75 percent of single mothers will move at least once, research ultimately shows that around 10 million children do not have regular face-to-face interactions with one of their parents.
]]> Thankfully, with a little technology, there is a way for some divorced or separated parents to keep in touch with their children. "Virtual visitation" is a newer family law term, which refers to the right of a non-custodial parent to have electronic communication with his or her children. These type of visitation cases emerged in the 1990s as technology began to evolve. Today, they are becoming more and more common.So far, only six states have specific laws regarding electronic visitation rights. However, 22 more states are in the process of adding similar laws. In states where this is an option, the court may decide the frequency and duration of visitation. Additionally, many protections have been put in place to ensure that the visitation periods are safe for the child.
Critics of these laws indicate that virtual visitation gives some non-custodial parents an excuse to move away. Nevertheless, advocates say that as long as family law courts continue to look out for the best interests of the child, virtual visitation can enhance communications between parents and children that are separated by distance.
When Rhode Island residents are separated from their children, it can be emotionally trying. Fortunately, as technology improves, parents can have more avenues of communication with their loved ones.
Source: The Washington Times, "Virtual visitation: a sensible child custody option," Myra Fleischer, April 15, 2012
]]>1. Start with the end in mind. Decide early on the post mariage relationship you want to have with your ex. Do you want to part on good terms or have hostile exchanges that continue for years? Decide to cooperate with your spouse as long as the cooperation is reciprocated.
2. Take a long view towards the future. A good divorce lays the foundation for happiness and the well-being of your children. These couples enjoy friendships for many years, helping with closure and moving forward. Also, the children feel good about themselves when with either parent.
3. Do your homework. Think of where you want to be in 1-year and in 5-years. What will you need in order to get to the destination? How will the separation of finances allow you to make the transition? Do you even know what the finances and debts are? Become familiar with finances, for they will be a part of your future.
4. Get emotional support. Don't expect that you can maintain your usual routine over the course of months as the negotiations continue and you reach a final point. Even healthy closure is difficult. Say what you need to say, often in mediation, so that you can get items off your chest in order to move on.
5. Move beyond blame. Blame gives you a sense of being right, yet keeps the focus on the other person, leaving you feeling powerless. Moving beyond blame and taking responsibility for your future is emotionally beneficial and helps map out the future.
6. Choose a process that supports your goals. If you want conflict, bitterness or revenge, hire a lawyer, diving into the adversarial process. If you want a cooperative post-marriage relationship, choose mediation, using RI divorce mediator Steven J. Hirsch.
7. Be realistic about costs. Mediation may be less expensive than hiring attorneys to take you through the adversarial court process.
8. Invest in the best mediator you can find. Steven J. Hirsch has mediated hundreds of divorces since 1994. He was the Vice Chair of the American Bar Associations Section on Alternate Dispute Resolutions and wrote the chapter on Mediation in "A Practical Guide to Divorce in Rhode Island" (MCLE, Inc. 2009).
Reference: "8 Secrets to a Good Divorce" by Eileen Barker, Huffington Post, 4/11/12
]]>A prenuptial agreement allows individuals to shield their financial interests before entering a marriage. However, it is not uncommon for a prenuptial agreement to be in dispute during a divorce.
]]> That is what happened to "American Idol" contestant winner Ruben Studdard. Luckily, he prepared for the worst when he got married. Now, sources credit the singer's strong prenuptial agreement for his smooth transition from married life to singlehood.Ultimately, Zuri came out of the divorce with her wedding dress, her photo albums, a 2006 BMW, a $10,000 property settlement and $2,000 for attorney's fees. However, between the couple, that was not very much. As a result, this story presents a good lesson -- get a prenuptial agreement if you need to protect your assets.
Source: TMZ, "Ruben Studdard divorces like a champ with ironclad prenup," April 8, 2012
]]>His third wife, Michelle Rodman, initiated divorce in 2004. The couple spent several years trying to fix their relationship; however, the marriage officially ended a few weeks ago.
]]> Rodman's representatives say that the former basketball player struggles with alcoholism, which is affecting his financial stability and ability to meet his legal obligations. According to his financial advisor, "This case, especially his wife filling for divorce, has put him on a binge that I have never seen before." Currently, Rodman is unemployed, and he owes somewhere around $350,000 in back taxes. Sources say that he has no savings.When you are required to pay monthly support, even minor life changes can make a difference. For example, if you have lost your job or have unexpected medical costs, your monthly child support responsibility can become taxing. Fortunately, when a person can demonstrate a significant change in circumstances, the court may approve support modifications.
However, many people believe that child support obligations are automatically reviewed and are adjusted as needed. If your financial situation changes and you need to alter your payment obligations, you must take action in order for the court to conduct a review.
Therefore, if you are in a situation like Rodman and feel under water in your ability to execute your child or spousal support payments, you may want to look into your various legal possibilities. With a little work, you do have the ability to make your legal responsibilities reflect your current financial situation.
Source: PIX 11, "Dennis Rodman could face jail over child and spousal support," Lauren Williams and Mike Anton, March 28, 2012
]]>Most people just think of the ability to "claim a deduction". Usually, the custodial parent can claim the dependant exemption deduction for the child, unless there is a written agreement to give it to the non-custodial parent, a signed IRS form 8332, over one-half of the child's support is provided by one or both parents and the child is in the custody of one or both parents for more than one half of the year. For 2012, this deduction is $3,800.
Also, consider that the following tax points should be considered and may be transferred (unless noted below) :
· Child Tax Credit - up to $1,000 for each eligible child
· Higher Education Tax Credits - worth up to $2,500 for the first 4 years of a child's college education.
· Student Loan Interest Deduction - up to $2,500 of qualified student loan interest expense paid by a parent.
· Tuition Deduction - up to $4,000 for higher education tuition and mandatory enrollment fees.
· Itemized deductions for a child's medical expenses paid by each parent.
· Tax free health savings account distributions for a child's medical expenses.
· Head of Household filing status - only for the custodial parent.
· Earned Income Tax Credit - only for the custodial parent and worth up to $3,169 for one child and up to $5,891 for more children. Phased out as parent's income increases.
· Child Care Tax Credit - custodial parent only - from $600 - $1,050 for one qualifying child; $1,200 - $2,100 for two or more children based upon parent's income.
These rules are explained in detail in IRS Publication 504 (Divorce or Separated Individuals at www.irs.gov.
Reference: The Wall Street Journal, Smart Money, "Child-Related Tax Breaks After Divorce", By Bill Bischoff, March 28, 2012.
]]>· Don't say bad things about the other parent. Kids don't want to hear one parent "bad-mouthing" the other, even if overhearing a parent speak to other over the phone. Children love both their parents, uncomfortable when anyone speaks badly about a parent.
· Keep us out of the Adult Stuff. Children don't want to hear that they cannot do something because the ex cannot afford it or is behind on child support. They should not hear things like "your dad left because he was screwing around with a co-worker."
· Don't make me feel bad for loving the other parent. Children do not want to be called "as stupid as your father", or hear "why do you want to be with the person who broke up our family". These statements, though meant to punish the ex, punish the child.
· Learn to get along for big events. Children deserve to have both parents at their game/play/graduation. Ex's need not stand together. Hiding the date from the ex punishes the child.
· Don't make me choose sides. Children hate being put into the middle and being forced to effectively tell one parent that he/she prefers the other. Some children choose to go with the parent who does not enforce rules about homework, bedtime, etc.
· No fighting in front of us. Children find this to be most uncomfortable. Just think how you feel when watching an argument between two friends or co-workers.
· Don't make me a messenger or put me in the middle. Children do not need an extra job to remember a message, or get it right.
· Don't share or take your anger out on me. Kids want to happy.
· Don't ask me to spy. This makes a child feel guilty, devious and interrupts a healthy relationship with a parent. Kids want to be obedient but not in a destructive manner.
· Give me One-on-One time with both parents. No description needed. Just good parenting.
The above are the basis for destroying a child's relationship with the ex and the person who is saying those things. A Court can use statements like those above to change custody and/or placement from the parent who improperly speaks to or before a child in an intentional manner. When it is done unintentionally, those statements can be used as a basis to show that the speaker fails to maintain a healthy emotional environment for the child. Mediation with Steven Hirsch fosters the quality communication to make your kids happy.
See Huffington Post, If Your Kids Could Make the Rules of Divorce, Kara Bishop
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