Rhode Island Family Law Blog

A Cohabitation Agreement describing rights of unmarried parties will become more important due to the changes in the number of marriages.  A recent news articles, "For Women Under 30, Most Births Occur Outside Marriage" described the sociological shift that has occurred.  Many underlying assumptions are described but the result is still the same. 

When a married couple end their relationship, the divorce laws of each state provide a method to divide assets and provide health insurance. However, when parties live together, have children but do not marry, that level of protection is missing.

I have spoken with unmarried parties who lived together with a significant other for years, bringing up children.  Often one party stays at home with the children for a number of years while the other has been a wage earner.  Often, one party owns the house.  The other party has no protection to remain in the home while if they were married, a Court may allow a non-owner to live in the house for a period of time.  When the unmarried parties split, assets in one parties name, including bank accounts, investments, and retirement are not split and just remain with the party who owns the asset. 

A cohabitation agreement should be entered when parties live together without getting married.  This agreement can establish a split of assets, indicate who remains in a house and for how long, and other important terms.  The terms of this Agreement can be negotiated in mediation with Steven Hirsch.

If there is no cohabitation agreement, an unmarried parent still has a limited remedy under Rhode Island law.  Steve Hirsch, Esq. can file a Miscellaneous Petition in Family Court to establish child support, custody and parenting plans.  The Court will also consider issues about the children including health insurance, payment of medical bills and other special expenses related to a particular child.

Child custody questions arise immediately after a parent has a growing realization that separation and divorce is inevitable.  What will the parenting plan look like as we go through a Rhode Island Divorce?  Where will Amelia sleep each night? When will I see Ryan?  What about Christmas Eve?  These are the natural concerns that come to mind. Each parent feels a sense of sadness that she/he cannot see the children every day; however, this may be a reality.  

As a Rhode Island divorce mediator having mediated hundreds of divorces and having represented many individuals as a divorce lawyer, Steve Hirsch has witnessed people with these concerns.  For the benefit of the parents and kids, in the short and long run, creative co-parenting is important.  Unless there has been domestic violence, follow these suggestions:

1.  The children's welfare comes first, second and third.  Their legitimate needs override your need to be right, vengeful, nosey or intrusive.  A child's need to go to the mall for the umteenth time does not always override the other's parenting time. The same goes for enrolling the child in many activities so he/she cannot see the other parent, such as dance on Monday, soccer every Wednesday and Saturday, and karate every Tuesday and Sunday. 

2.  Communication must be open, honest, considerate, constructive and timely. Communication should be direct and polite; the children should not be used to send messages between parents, as kids may forget or not get the mesage right. Each parent has an "emotional bank".  When you make deposits into the other parent's emotional bank, you wil be able to make withdrawals when needed.  When communication is harsh and demeaning, you can never get a favor when needed.  Texting about delays, emergencies or other circumstances is also helpful.

3.  Respect the other party's independence.  Do not walk into the other's residence without being invited.  If allowed in, do not snoop, look at mail, pick up photos of significant others, etc.  Respect the other's residence as you would want the other to respect your autonomy.

4.  Be cooperative and flexible whenever possible.  Parents who cover for the other, during business trips, busy work periods and other unscheduled life events get the same help when they have those same issues. Parties return to court after a divorce, trying to adjust a parenting plan and the underlying root of the problem is a simple lack of cooperation and respect.

5. Never speak badly about the other parent to the children or when they are around.  Many situations arise when one parent is on the cell phone in the car speaking while the children are in the back seat.  The children hear a one sided conversation with the driver complaining about the former spouse (he's cheap, she does not pay on time, his new girlfriend is a bimbo, etc.). Even if unintentional, the harm from hearing one parent complain about the other occurs. 

6.  Support the other spouse by maintaining a united front.  Discuss issues without the children present and attempt to reach a united front.  If there are serious issues that you just cannot resolve, try mediation. When you undercut the other parent in front of the children, expect the same from the other parent and expect the children to start playing one parent against the other. Breaching this starts the children on a path of manipulating both parents.

7.  Attempt to have parity of information. Speak to schools, teachers and health care providers and advise them that both parents are to be contacted and sent relevant information.  Both parents should be able to to speak to these providers and obtain information about their children.

Many people find it difficult to follow these suggestions. We want to be the most loved, the closest to the children, the children's favorite.  Yet, when viewed from a child's perspective, the above suggestions do indeed work the best.  Children of all ages need to know that both parents love them and will provide for them.  

People who breach the above rules wind up with expensive divorces followed by expensive trips back to court and children who grow weary of their parent's behavior.  Mediation is a good process to build communication between parties who have grown apart while developing a cooperative child custody plan. Contact Steven at 352-1000 to start.

Many Rhode Island residents understand that going through a separation is a very difficult process. In the course of a divorce, you must make many decisions involving property, debt, alimony and children. Furthermore, these resolutions affect not only your future, but the future of your kids. In a national story, one renowned individual and his soon to be ex-wife will inevitably confront many of these separation-related issues.

In recent news, the wife of Brian Cashman, general manager for the New York Yankees, filed for divorce. The general manager was publicly accused of an affair. Cashman's wife has recently filed papers in a Connecticut court.

Years ago, alimony or spousal support, was understood by most parties.  When a marriage broke down due to the husband's fault and the wife had remained at home without a career, the wife needed life-long support.  Today, there are very few long term marriages in which the wife does not work.  The marriages of our parents or grandparents no longer exists.

The advent of no-fault divorces in the mid and late 1970's followed by the increase of women in the work force and the movement to pay men and women equal wages for equal work has changed the view of marriage and the basis for spousal support. Although Rhode Island allows life time alimony, it is rarely awarded. Rhode Island laws and courts accept the concept of rehabilitative alimony for a short and definitive period.  In 2000, the R.I. Supreme Court stated that alimony is a rehabilitative tool intended to provide temporary support until a spouse is self-sufficient and is based purely on need.

The change in attitudes continues to redefine alimony.  In September 2011, the Massachusetts Governor signed legislation ending alimony when the person paying it retires; it is limited to a number of years based upon the length of the marriage. Legislatures across the country are considering guidelines, similar to child support, to determine amounts of alimony.  Several state supreme courts have recommended adoption of alimony guidelines.  Pennsylvania has an actual guideline for temporary alimony situations.  

The concept of alimony is changing with society's changes.  One thing is certain, the future of alimony in Rhode Island is unclear.  Further, because of the numerous factors that the Court uses to determine alimony and the potential tax treatment of alimony, you should contact Attorney Steven Hirsch as a mediator or divorce attorney for your divorce

Citing information from Family Advocate,Winter 2012, Vol. 34, No. 3, Current Trends in Alimony Law - Where Are We Now?, by Laura W. Morgan,